People generally elate the feeling of falling "in" love in a poetic way, but not quite about what we feel after losing someone we loved. Hopelessness, despair, anger, isolation were never poetic feelings.
I have always found the later to be much more heart wrenching. It is something that squeezes out every ounce of emotion from your heart, as if it was sponge.
And you'll be astonished when you look at it and realize, "I had all of this in me till now?".
In the beginning it hits you like "bam"! Sudden on the face. As if stepping on one of those garden rakes, they stand up perpendicular and hit your face (remember those Tom & Jerry cartoons, you'll envision it). Then comes denial, the lack or subconscious unwillingness of acceptance. We start thinking everything is unreal. All of this may just be a dream and we might be waking up from it. But as those moments pass we realise, this is it. We start imagining life without them around. And then we start remembering all of it, one by one.
Like really fast slideshows, including the special ones or the absolutely unimportant slides. Things we had done with them or had plans to do. Big or really really small, maybe insignificant stuff. We realise what we planned to do will remain forever incomplete and what we had done together will stay as memories. We won't get another chance to relive it with them.
Finally we try remembering the last conversion we had. Something we might have said to them or they said to us. And then comes regret, why did I say what I said or why did I "not" say what I felt.
This gush of emotion is always so overwhelming, every time we take a trip down that memory lane it feels as intense as the first day we felt it.
But truth be told, none of it matters. What matters is where it leaves us - does it leave us hopeless, in despair, angry and isolated? If that's the place where you are, then you're just angry at the world. And being angry at the world, that's the slippery slope of abyss - my friend. If what you took back from time doesn't leave a smile on your face, you've taken it all wrong.
I have always found the later to be much more heart wrenching. It is something that squeezes out every ounce of emotion from your heart, as if it was sponge.
And you'll be astonished when you look at it and realize, "I had all of this in me till now?".
In the beginning it hits you like "bam"! Sudden on the face. As if stepping on one of those garden rakes, they stand up perpendicular and hit your face (remember those Tom & Jerry cartoons, you'll envision it). Then comes denial, the lack or subconscious unwillingness of acceptance. We start thinking everything is unreal. All of this may just be a dream and we might be waking up from it. But as those moments pass we realise, this is it. We start imagining life without them around. And then we start remembering all of it, one by one.
Like really fast slideshows, including the special ones or the absolutely unimportant slides. Things we had done with them or had plans to do. Big or really really small, maybe insignificant stuff. We realise what we planned to do will remain forever incomplete and what we had done together will stay as memories. We won't get another chance to relive it with them.
Finally we try remembering the last conversion we had. Something we might have said to them or they said to us. And then comes regret, why did I say what I said or why did I "not" say what I felt.
This gush of emotion is always so overwhelming, every time we take a trip down that memory lane it feels as intense as the first day we felt it.
But truth be told, none of it matters. What matters is where it leaves us - does it leave us hopeless, in despair, angry and isolated? If that's the place where you are, then you're just angry at the world. And being angry at the world, that's the slippery slope of abyss - my friend. If what you took back from time doesn't leave a smile on your face, you've taken it all wrong.
